Essenelle (SNL) at a Glance
It's Saturday Night Live's busiest time of the year and Christina Essenelle is nowhere to be found! Supposedly working on a school musicale, Essenelle is said to be skipping rehearsal early to go home to her loving boyfriend of 9 months; Julian Casablancas. If you're skipping rehearsal, then why skip out on SNL? After the showed aired it's ratings dropped...significantly. But how did the audience know not to watch? Via Essenelle's blog of course. However her insider scoop seems to have become more of a chore than a hobby, leaving her viewers with few sentences on all the juicy details on her love life and the imminent war of the fems on SNL. With Kristen Wiig in less than 3 scenes a week and Essenelle at 5, it's become a battle of who-likes-who more for the two leading females in this comedy show. But wait, aren't there other girls in the cast? Other girls like Essenelle's best friend Nasim Pedrad, or Essenelle's enemy Abby Elliott? And the new kid in town Vanessa Bayer, what about her? Is it right to give stars like Essenelle 5 scenes compared to Elliott's 1? You can write back to our editors by May 11th and we'll post your answers in next week's People. As for a closing note to Miss Essenelle, we're dying to know, are you really just friends with Tyson Ritter?
oh and my new favorite one from a few days ago (and by favorite I mean, wtf)
To all the ladies reading this who would you rather be with; a 32 year old man who is awkwarder than a Jew in a church or a 27 year old man whose got swagger that could swoon any woman? The 27 year old, right? Well not for Christina Essenelle, the debate in her mind was between Julian Casablancas and Tyson Ritter and she is certainly wishing she chose Ritter. Just based off of looks, Tyson is younger looking, has soul-seeking eyes, and has protruding cheek bones that could stun anyone looking. Whereas Julian's only distinguishing attributes are having messy hair and heavy eye lids. Which begs the question, why are you still with him?! If I could have anyone in the world I'd have the best, and that's exactly what she can have, she can have anyone, literally! Anyone! Even I liked her with Andy Samberg more than I like her with Casablancas. Besides, Christina Ritter sounds nicer than Christina Casablancas. If you're reading this Essenelle, weigh the options dear. You don't get these kind of options forever.
By the way People Magazine, I wrote more than a few sentences, oh and by the way OK! Julian makes me happy, that's why I'm with him.
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