JIMMY
Ladies and gentlemen my next guest is the star of Saturday Night Live and has been called the Chris Farley of this generation, please welcome the very lovely and talented: Christina Essenelle!
CHRISTINA
(CHRISTINA walks out wearing sunglasses and looks very blase, over-dramatically she walks to her chair and is very snobbishly looking at the audience while chewing gum. She turns dramatically to JIMMY, in a young, tired voice) What?
JIMMY
(laughs) I see you brought your entourage. (the camera pans over to the audience where NASIM PEDRAD and RYAN GOSLING and sitting. NASIM is waving excitedly and RYAN is on his knees with his hand out, like a beggar)
CHRISTINA
(to RYAN) Oh my God, you are so annoying. (reaches into her pocketbook and takes out a piece of chocolate and throws it at RYAN) Here take it. (he catches it in his mouth and she flips her hair while the audience cheers, laughs, and applauds. JIMMY is laughing very hard and CHRISTINA breaks character slightly and turns to JIMMY and laughs while saying) Gosh.
JIMMY
You know these people don't know you like I know you. They're probably thinking "Oh God what am I in for?".
CHRISTINA
(laughing, now back to normal, sunglasses off. She turns to the audience) Welcome to hell!
JIMMY
(laughs) So what are you here promoting?
CHRISTINA
(looks at him seriously and then smiles a crooked smile) You know I got nothing for you.
JIMMY
(he and the audience laugh) Nothing!?
CHRISTINA
Wait a second I'm gonna backtrack here, people call me the Chris Farley of this generation?
JIMMY
Apparently!
CHRISTINA
Oh come on...I don't do that much coke.
JIMMY
(laughing with the audience) Not yet.
CHRISTINA
Oh I know what I'm promoting!
JIMMY
Oh?
CHRISTINA
This is my last week in L.A.!
JIMMY
Oh no, well did you have fun? Not hanging out with me and all?
CHRISTINA
(the audience "awws" sadly) Don't awe at him! You're the busy one, I've invited you to all my parties.
JIMMY
You have?
CHRISTINA
Well I haven't had any parties so...yes I have. (the audience laughs) Quit smearing the good Essenelle name!
JIMMY
Yes, I would hate to defame the Essenelle family lineage.
CHRISTINA
(laughs) That's my job! And if all goes as planned as the Chris Farley of this generation, I've only got a few years left.
JIMMY
(everyone laughs) So last week in L.A., I remember your first week here in L.A. you were on the show!
CHRISTINA
You're the only consistent thing I've had this summer Jimmy.
JIMMY
(laughing) I don't know if you should say that you've consistently had Jimmy all summer.
CHRISTINA
(she and the audience laugh) Oh God, I love that this interview has just been completely nothing and I brought Ryan Gosling here, someone who probably has something to talk about, and he's here as a 10 second joke that I thought of earlier this morning.
JIMMY
We would've bumped you for someone like Ryan Gosling!
CHRISTINA
Jimmy you would've bumped me? But I've had you all summer!
JIMMY
(the audience laughs and he pushes CHRISTINA's faces back) Ladies and gentlemen, Christina Essenelle!(smiling and laughing she waves to the crowd as they cheer into the commercial break, JIMMY whispers into her ear) You free after the show? I'm thinking drinks at my place.
CHRISTINA
Hell yeah!
JIMMY
I was this close to making a fat joke tonight about you by the way.(the lights come back on and CHRISTINA and JIMMY stand up to take a picture for the show)
CHRISTINA
Oh cause I'm Chris Farley?
JIMMY
Ha ha, yeah! (they smile for a picture and CHRISTINA pulls JIMMY offstage with her)
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